forever young.

i havnt been on here in a while. maybe its good i dont announce my thoughts over the web. for everyone to see and know. or maybe i do want people to get a slice of what goes on inside my head. anyways. prom is tonight. im super excited. i hope i have a blast with my best friends.

to jump around topics, im stressing about college. i want so bad to go to a cal state, or university, but i dont have the money. and im not even sure if i have the grades. and next year would be hell if i wanted to try. id need to do, chemistry& advanced algebra. fml. whydoesmathexist. but im not gonna stress about that yet. im pretty sure my head would explode. i just want SO badly to get out of this fucking desert. like. wtf is this place? i just dont think i belong here. im so ready to start my life. live in my own apartment, meet new people, have fun. and not have to listen to what my parents tell me what to do. and this community service shit. its stressing me the fuck out. i am the world WORST procrastinator. i had 6 months to do 30 hours. easy. but me, of fucking course, wait till the month before they are due. i think im gonna go everyday after school and do a couple hours. i need to. i have too. i wish i would of never started stealing in the first place. it got so out of hand. but thank sweet jesus i learned a lesson.

to jump around again. i dont understand why i need a label. everybody asks me, are you gay, are you bi, do you like boys, and my answer is. im ME. i dont need to define myself with anything. im just looking for love, and that might be with a girl, or it might be with a guy. everybody has a heart. and everybody can love just the same. at this point in my life however, i think girls just might be what im trying to pursue right now. i just dont know where to find them. lol.


and to you. i was so happy when you told me you wanted to go back to the way we were. ive always loved you, and you knew that. but still. you took my heart from me again. just to end up hurting me all over again. but it was expected. i wrote something for you.


You give me butterflies as if it was the first time we kissed. everytime i talk to you my heart sings. my eyes smile. my breath dances against yours. when you touch me i feel electricity. when you kiss me i feel sunshine. when you hold me i feel serenity. and when you leave i feel clouds begin to surround me. every raindrop hitting the ground like another tear from my eye. confusion is just one word you leave me feeling. among all the other collection of feelings. i could give you the world, without the destruction. i could give you rainbows, without all the darkness before, i could give you love, without all the tears. if you could only see that im here, and have been here the whole time. but like the seasons, i will always return. like the sun, i will be there everyday for you, and like grass to raindrops, ill be there for you when you fall.