Things that took place this summer.

ended school. i am now a junior.
kissed 2 people.
developed a crush on one of the said people.
spent time with maryjane. and had amazing times with her and my best friends.
became a clean freak. WEIRD.
came to the consensus that i like my moms boyfriend. hes awesome.
saw transformers 2. and once again renewed my love for megan fox.
watched probably over 30 movies.
got a hoop for my nose. even though everyone told me not to.
began to eat crazy healthy and work out.
went to the mall twice.
stole things. its what i do. get off my case. deal with your own problems.
kept friendships strong all summer.
got clothes.
learned how to play guitar.
played with my 3 week old kittens. i dont want to give them away :(
had crazy fucking dreams.

i am absolutley

in LOVE with josephine wall.

i need

to realize schools going to be here in a week. i will be a junior. i can still remember being in 5th grade thinking high schoolers were so old. and high school was this giant place of confusion. and it still is. this year i hope its the best. i hope everything is perfect. well. almost perfect.

at least ive got my bestfriends<3

A mind of the confused.

some day i hope to write a book. parts of it will be fact, some will be fiction. this is a fictional passage.

The air was full of wind. moving trees and causing the grass to dance. It smelled of fall. there were clouds above my head, full and white. lining with grey. They appeared sad. as if they knew what was about to take place. almost like my mind was read. I glanced at the water. shimmering and staring blankly at me. Inviting, but almost sad. first step. sent chills throughout my body. second step. the breeze flew through my hair, making every strand feel like it wanted to to pull me away. third step, 5th, then finally, i was to my neck. the cold air whisked across my face. and the water was bitter and felt colder than before. but i continued to sink. almost like it was quicksand, and i could no longer get away. i could feel a warm tear glide across my face. ive heard scenes run through your head when this time comes. a sense of euphoria. and the scenes started. every place ive been. every hand ive held. every person ive kissed. every smile i gave. these memories shot through me like a jolt of lightning. and then i descended. i was beneath the water. it was peaceful. nobody could hear me think. hear me cry. i wanted to stay there forever. my organs began to tense. letting me know this was not supposed to be happening. but my mind took over. and reassured. i just let go. i sank. i let the water infiltrate my lungs. thinking this was really about to happen. but im guessing this wasnt my time. i heard a shout from above the water. here i go, back to reality. im released. back into the world of real. and my moms calling me in for dinner. such a sad thing. she thought i was helplessly swimming. just relaxing. little did she know i was about to be in the next life. or wherever you are supposed to be after death, in about 3 more minutes underneath that water.

everythings

slowly fading.

i feel alone,ugly,confused,uncertain,gross,regret.

i feel.

inexplainable.

there comes a time

when you just need to step back, and look at everything from a different perspective. to appreciate what you have, to understand the meaning of what is wonderful, what causes even the littlest of smiles throughout the day. heres a list of things that make me smile these days.

yareli

jenni

ashley

lauren

maddie

devon

and all the friends that have stuck around my crazy ass

my new kittens ^.^

trips to cabo

smuggling weed back into the u.s across the border. and not getting caught. and the fact that dogs were cirlcling our car, and we were still saved. pure fucking luck

my mom, and just hugging her for the longest time. and feeling like im 6 years old again when she could protect me from all the scary things in the dark

maryjane. engulfing me with her magical ribbon of smoke. and giving me fun times i will remember for the rest of my life

summer. even though i feel my skin burning every time i step outside

my family. even though they drive me crazy, its still nice to feel the love. and its nice to always have someone to laugh with